Updated: Jul 29, 2020
Why is letting go so hard for me?
I mean it feels like it is the hardest thing in the world. Sometimes I even make excuses. A lot of excuses!
I used to value material things with such a high standard. And I found reasons to keep some things even though I never used them. They just sat in the corner of my room collecting dust. So why had I not let them go?
Because at some time that thing made me feel good. That one thing gave me some type of fulfillment that I did not want to let go of. Even though that item was completely useless to me I just did not want to get rid of it. You see the excuses I just made?
Imagine the excuses I make when it comes to letting go of people. I’m aware I’m codependent and often feel I'm trauma bonded to some people. But even then I must remember that letting go is good. I have to make a conscious effort daily.
I let go of people who were near and dear to me because they either didn’t have their own interests at heart, or the best interests of myself, or both. If you will talk dirty about your other friend to me, then you will talk dirty about me to them. If you're not there for yourself, you won’t ever be able to be there for me, you get where I’m going don't you diary?
It's funny, I talk to you as if you can respond. Does that make me crazy? Well I suppose crazy is a relative term. Okay, getting off track here.
I have realized that I bought material things to overcompensate for the lack of not having them as a child. I bought things to fill voids as an adult. I bought things to use as a reason for going to a job I hated.
Then I started understanding I was doing the same with people. I sought out people who were what I was used to. What I was used to, although unhealthy, felt comfortable. I filled voids with the "love" from these unhealthy people. I continued the cycle of what I was taught and what my parents were taught. I needed to break this cycle.
To do so, I turned to you Diary. I turned to therapy. I turned to the internet to figure out what I could do with my time for income, that I enjoyed so I didn’t have to buy things to feel better.
I took time to love myself and understand that comfort is comfortable, but it can also be miserable.
Letting go of people who I latched onto for comfort has brought me peace. It has put me in a much healthier place. Now I can see more clearly. I’m no longer in a cloud of confusion or a bubble of insecurity.
Those material things I once valued? I sold them. Yep. Every iPad, Chromebook, jewelry, name brand shoes, clothes, purses. ALL GONE!!
Now I'm surrounded by the things I truly need... including people!
Life has not been kind to me and I have not been kind to life but I am grateful for every new day...
So, looking back at it, I guess letting go wasn't hard once I chose to enjoy my own company. I chose to figure out what I wanted and what I needed.
I don’t think I'll ever fully be happy. Only because, what really is happiness? Once we achieve one goal, we set another one. But isn't that what life is about? New goals, new challenges, and new experiences?
How will we ever experience new good things, if we keep holding onto the things that are bad for us?
A Girl Who Let Go
Certified Life & Mindset Coach
Helping you through unhealthy relationships because you the sh*!