Updated: Jul 29, 2020
My partner and I separated. Our relationship was not growing. Rather than break-up, we just took a break. We have since gotten back together after being apart for 6 months, and nothing is different. I’m so confused as to why?!
Although, I have gone to therapy to work on myself. And even though I have changed in a lot of ways, I can admit that I have not changed the things HE has complained about. Things that are realistic like trusting him more when he has not given me a reason not to trust him or not giving him enough space.
So, I can't rightfully blame him and only him. Until I figure out the root of my trust issues, I will continue to have the same behaviors. The first step is being self-aware, I've gotten that down. The next step is focusing on the reasons behind the WHY. And for that I'm seeking therapy and have hired a certified coach.
I realize that a relationship takes more than just one person to be successful and healthy. We both need to address our own issues within ourselves and then address our issues together.
Sometimes we get so caught up in the idea of a person and the idea of having a relationship that we don't realize that the relationship and person comes with sacrifices, and compromises.
We just want, want, want, want and aren't willing to give or take accountability for our part.
We want short term fixes instead of putting in the everyday effort to reach long term success.
If neither of us change, then we will be the same people, in the same relationship, with the same issues.
Maybe he will be up to couples’ therapy too?
If not, then what?
Well, I guess I’ll just be single. Because being single with less stress is better than being in a relationship filled with nothing but arguments and misery.
I enjoy my own company. I know how to keep my soul nourished and my mind full of productive thoughts. So if it comes down to me letting go of our relationship, I know I will be just fine. I will use it as a time to heal and focus on my wants and needs. I won't let the fear of the unknown keep me in an unhealthy, unhappy situation.
He's not a bad man and I am not a bad woman. We both have underlying deep-rooted issues from our past and childhoods that have carried over into our adulthood.
If we don't actively change, constantly and consistently, every single day, nothing will be better.
So, diary, I guess the answer is this, we both need to change ourselves, OR change our relationship status permanently. There's no point in having a break or separating if we don't use the time apart to change for the better.
It's merely a waste of time, just like our relationship will be if we don’t work together and work on ourselves.
A Woman Who Might Be Single
Certified Life & Mindset Coach
Helping you through unhealthy relationships because you the sh*!