Updated: Jul 29
Sad, angry, confused, lost, empty... Those are all the feelings I had when I left my last relationship. Terrell had never seen a therapist, but needed one, maybe even two. Terrell was a sexy, dark-skinned brotha that matched his shoes to his hat and always smelled of the best men's cologne on the market. Terrell had charisma and charm. A lot of women admired him including me. Terrell was a dream come true... Until he wasn't. He turned into a nightmare who drained my energy, made me feel crazy, low, lost, and worthless. I remember being in bed and physically shaking, having a nervous breakdown due to all the stress I allowed Terrell to cause me.
One minute he was the best man I could ever dream of, and the next he was cold, distant, rude, and abusive. He constantly lied and cheated but denied it all and made me think I was making it all up in my head (gas lighting). I was no longer myself but a shell of a person. Terrell made me feel less of myself, even though I knew deep down I was bigger than this relationship. I was a strong, honorable, independent and true woman who had her self-esteem crushed. But still I stayed with him because I was attached to this person, almost addicted. I was miserable with him but I felt even worse without him. I had physical aches and mental cloudiness as if I was going through withdrawals. I made every excuse to stay. He'd love bomb me and be the sweetest man alive when I'd leave. So instead of fighting through the withdrawals I'd be defeated and go back. An endless circle, until I finally ended it. I had reached rock bottom and wanted my life back.
Even though I didn't feel like I was strong, honorable, independent, and true, I knew in there, some where, were those characteristics. When I finally called Tyrone to come get Terrell's shit (y'all know I love me some Erykah Badu)I felt free. I still didn't feel like the sh*! (strong, honorable, independent, true)but I knew I could get there.
After many nights of crying, I did some soul searching. I looked into the mental health benefits the company I worked for at the time had to offer. Turned out, they offered 5 free visits. I found a therapist that made me felt comfy and was around my age so she could relate to a lot of what I was dealing with. She helped me be self-aware and understand what co-dependency was. After I became a healthier person, I started seeing the people I surrounded myself with were toxic or unhealthy too. After expressing concerns in a non-confrontational way I had to create boundaries for some, and for others completely distance myself. I will always care for the people who have had an impact in my life but I also know when to love people from afar. Even if it's just from across town.
After making relationship changes, I decided to focus on my "career." I had graduated technical colleges, twice. I've been in healthcare, insurance, food services, hospitality, customer service, retail, you name it I've done it. I knew I wanted something different. I got on the trusty internet after a friend of mine had suggested I take a personality and career survey. Based on my personality, it suggested that I be a therapist, social worker, coach etc. I didn't have it in me to do a ton more of schooling and then risk still being in the same boat, (not liking the job) so I went the route with the least amount of training which was becoming a certified life coach.
I researched schools that were I.C.F. (International Coach Federation) accredited; stumbled upon a program where I was mentored by an executive coach with may years of experience. As well as participated in coaching others via phone in front of the class and mentor. The program taught me to listen without judgement and to ask questions out of curiosity to help the client see things more clearly. It also touched on marketing. It was a wonderful jumping of point for me.
I passed the coaching certification with a 100% score. Now, I am also a YouTuber, blogger, TikTok'er and so much more. Having things to put my energy into that I actually enjoy doing, has brought me back to the person I knew I was always was, the S.H.I.T.
Strong- Being able to endure pain, abuse, or any unsettling situation and still heal in a healthy way.
Honorable- Being able to realize your self-worth, and self-esteem. Having dignity.
Independent- Being able to sustain an identity without getting it from someone else. Opposite of co-dependent.
True-Being able to be the person you know you are capable of being. Staying loyal to you.
When I first started my venture into coaching I had to come up with a name and website for my coaching training. On a whim I went with Wisdom Within. As much as joy as that beginning stage had brought me, it was time for a change. I was becoming stagnant and what was once enjoyable was more of a burden and a task.
So, I decided to do a re-brand. I thought of all things I feel now, that I never knew I could feel while I was in my toxic relationships. Which came the beginnings of Because You The Sh*! (B.Y.T.S.).
No one wants to be a literal piece of poo, so I made sh*! into something people could relate to, on a positive note.
"Strong, honorable, independent, and true, that's you" is what popped up in my gear grinding mind of mine. So here we are. I don't care about being famous. I don't care about being rich.
I care about having the freedom to help who I can, when I want and how I want. On my own terms. Although this IS a happy ending story, I still face challenges daily. I handle them in a healthier manner and don't get defeated anymore. If something doesn't work one way, I don't give up, I just get creative and try it a different way.
If you don't feel like you're s.h.i.t right now, that's okay. The goal is to get you there. And trust me, you'll get there. It takes time. Change isn't something that you can snap your fingers and have magically occur. It takes constant effort, every single day.
Love yourself enough to move on and let go, because you the sh*!
Strong, honorable, independent and true, that's you!
Certified Life & Mindset Coach
Helping you through unhealthy relationships.
Strong. Honorable. Independent. True. That's you. Because You The Sh*!